worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.