At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sorry about my life...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.