He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad