Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult