I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.