Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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