break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
