Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize