Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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