My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits