I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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