Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
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captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you