went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.