he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...