I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
