Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
