You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
