So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
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Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
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I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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