Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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