just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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