Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
