I think my vagina is haunted
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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