I got chris browned last night
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
