Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
