It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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