so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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