I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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