the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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