I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
