i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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