so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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