Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
