I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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