Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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