just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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