So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
