Me. At least after what I've been through.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
