dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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