I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
