I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He? As in you personified your dick?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
