think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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