Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting