she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That accounts for only three of the penises
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.