I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
