Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
