I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
