Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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