since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize