Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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