we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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