3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
