What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
