I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
false alarm, still single
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
