I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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