I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
