Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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