I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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