You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
