..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
